Fake News

Elon Musk has agreed to Battle Mark Spiegel in a Sword Fight

elon vs mark

My Twitter account would probably be pretty boring to the average person. There is the trader posting charts of his favorite stock for the day. Tim Sykes touting how he made $200K on a trade while bathing in some exotic lake with tigers. And then there is the I hate Elon Musk and the I love Elon Musk crowd.

Well anyways, I was minding my own business, listening to some Cannibal Corpse, and scrolling through my Twitter feed, when suddenly, I saw a Tweet that changed my demeanor for the entire day.

According to reliable sources, Elon Musk has agreed to battle Mark Spiegel in a sword fight.

The duel will be of epic portions. Mark Spiegel is a known short seller against Elon’s public company, Tesla. And Elon is well known to despise short sellers like Mark.

“The rivalry from these two figureheads has been well documented in the finance landscape for years”, said Lass Cassandra, a Pokémon trainer found on route four in the Kanto region.

“The sword fight will be long, bloody and particularly arduous for both Elon and Mark. Either Elon or Mark will emerge as the winner. The loser will die a shameful death at the sword of the other. There really is no way around it”, Lass Cassandra continued.

Our investigative team of journalists – who are well known for accuracy and integrity – have learned that Elon plans to bring a sword to the fight made entirely of renewable electricity. Mark on the other hand plans to bring a sword made of fossil fuels, such as coal and oil.

While we were typing the previous paragraph, we had a team of Russian spies break into Mark’s office and plant bugs in his coffee mug. We have now learned that Mark plans to cut the new mustache that Elon has grown right off his face. Edgy Mark, very edgy.

Tickets for the duel have already sold out. There are a few well known individuals expected to be in attendance.

One guest in attendance is Elon Musk fan boy Galileo Russell, the founder and President of HyperChange. We are betting our buttons that Galileo will be live streaming this fight for his YouTube subscribers – while at the same time claiming how great King Musk is.

On the opposing end of the spectrum is Quoth the Raven a long time Mark Spiegel supporter. We have our doubts that Quoth the Raven will actually pay attention to the fight. Instead we bet he will be screaming and spitting about the Federal Reserve and how you should have at least 15 beers before you listen to his Podcast.

The judge of the sword fight will be the SEC or the Short Seller Enrichment Commission. Professional sword fight gamblers say this gives Mark an ante up over Musk. Others say the SEC is a bitch to Musk and will give Musk a leg up over Mark.

Whatever the outcome of the fight, we definitely will not hear anything from the long lost Montana Skeptic. Bless his soul.

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