Fake News


sex robot

Source: Maxim

Washington – A Japanese sex robot went on a killing spree last night – killing 37 people in the village of Akaigawa. The creators of the robot – Shenzhen J-Sun Electronics – are baffled at the incident.

The story goes – or so were told – that Japanese man Hiroaki Hidaka purchased the sex robot after his wife’s pussy – and I quote – “dried up”. According to Hiroaki, the robot was the best pun-tang he has had in years, even decades.

Apparently Hiroaki is a picky man. He enjoys casual sex every now and then – but really gets off on the rough and violent sex. His wife, Akari Hoshino – says she has ended up in the hospital several times due to her husband’s violent sexual nature. After several years of having sex with a man like Hiroaki, she just finally dried up.

The story goes as we are told like this. After a long night of drinking sake – Hiroaki stumbled into his room, threw his sex robot on the bed and violently began to have sex with it. After about ten minutes in, the sex robot started making weird noises. Hiroaki thought it was broken. Little did he know, his life was about to change.

In the missionary position, Hiroaki grabbed the sex robot by the neck and violently started smacking it across the face with his other hand. The sex robot’s noises started to get louder. Right before Hiroaki was about to orgasm – the sex robot blinked. Hiroaki was shocked – stopping mid-thrust. Before Hiroaki could comprehend what was going on – the sex robot grabbed Hiroaki by the neck and threw him on the wall – knocking Hiroaki out cold.

What happened next is kind of a blur in the small village of Akaigawa. We do know the sex robot somehow got a hold of a few assault weapons, learned karate and threw a few hand grenades that it managed to find. In total, 17 men, 13 women and 7 children died before the Japanese army took the sex robot out.

Actual picture of destroyed Japanese Village:

nuck bomb

Source: History.com

There is a memorial for the victims of the sex robot attack held at the Yasukuni Shrine at 11 PM tonight. If you come bring a dish to pass along and do not – I repeat – do not bring a sex robot.

The complete list of victims from the deadly attack can be found below – with a link sending you to their family’s Go Fund Me page. A lawsuit and investigation is also currently being conducted on Shenzhen J-Sun Electronics. If you have any information on why the sex robot would malfunction please contact the local authorities.

Victims of Sex Robot Attack:

  1. Nihonmatsu Yoshitsugu
  2. Niimi Nishiki
  3. Niiro Tadamoto
  4. Niwa Nagahide
  5. Niwa Nagashige
  6. Honda Tadakatsu
  7. Honda Komatsu (Inahime)
  8. Honganji Kennyo
  9. Hosokawa Fujitaka
  10. Hosokawa Gracia
  11. Hosokawa Tadaoki
  12. Hotta Masatoshi
  13. Araki Murashige
  14. Araki Muratsugu
  15. Arima Kihei
  16. Asakura Yoshikage
  17. Ayame Kagekatsu
  18. Azai Hisamasa
  19. Azai Nagamasa
  20. Azai Sukemasa
  21. Ii Naoaki
  22. Ii Naomasa
  23. Ii Naomori
  24. Ii Naonaka
  25. Ii Naosuke
  26. Shiori Tamai
  27. Ayaka Sasaki
  28. Momoka Ariyasu
  29. Reni Takagi
  30. Akiyama Rina
  31. Airi & Meiri
  32. Aya Ueto
  33. Koike Eiko
  34. Mariya Nishiuchi
  35. Fujiwara Norika
  36. Tao Okamoto
  37. Minami Minegishi

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